Blog Post

My Recovery Journey

Debbie Peterson • March 20, 2018

Recovery Journey - Debbie's Testimony

My name is Debbie and I am a very grateful follower of Jesus Christ. The Lord delivered me from the obsession to use and abuse alcohol when I was 27 years old. Then more recently, in 2011, He healed me completely of a terrible, life-long mental illness that temporarily robbed me of my dreams, my family and even threatened my life on occasion. That is behind me for God says…

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” ( 2 Corinthians 5:17 )

I’ll be sharing tonight about my amazing journey with Jesus through the hills and valleys. In the natural, I should have, could have, would have died, BUT for the grace of God. My new life, strength and hope is found in Christ alone. He continues to help me overcome issues of codependency, perfectionism and food issues one day at a time.

The following passage from 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3 sums up my gratitude for you, my “skin-on” helpers, my brothers and sisters in Christ.

“We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.”

I guess I should start at the beginning. My father was a blue collar, hard-working, and really fun dad who loved me dearly. The family “rumor” was that I was his favorite daughter. He had four, and he always called me his #1 daughter and although my three younger sisters were also the apples of his eye, there was a pervading belief among us that he favored me, probably for no other reason than I was the first born. I always felt his favor too, and my love and affection for him remains to this day. Even though he always worked two jobs, he had time for me as a young girl. When we were young, he took us camping and fishing and snowmobiling! Winter was especially fun with my dad. He loved playing in the snow with his girls, building snowmen and sledding. He even took us snowmobiling and overnight tent camping in the winter. Mom wasn’t an outdoorsy person, but she indulged us and even came along on the summertime camping trips. I was a Daddy’s girl, through and through! My earliest memories of him were of following him around everywhere and practicing his walk. I actually perfected the gait, which was a kind of duck-footed tromp, but with purpose and direction. He taught me how to appreciate God’s great outdoors and I witnessed him often giving glory to God for the beauty that we find on the planet. He helped me explore the wonders of creation on a regular basis and instilled in me the truth that God did all this. He was the first to introduce me to Jesus, he taught me to pray every night and made sure I attended Sunday School and later took me to church with him.

My mother, was a homemaker and stay-at-home mom for the first 10 years of my life. Her ways were often strict and condescending. I now know that her affection and love for me was there, albeit carefully concealed by her own hurts, hang-ups and habits. I could not and at times, would not see her love for me. She chided me harshly and was extremely critical. Growing up, I did not receive an abundance of nurturing from her, if any at all, unless it was in the presence of others. She was plagued by keeping up appearances and I later learned to pity her for all her fretful ways. The earliest memories of my mom are of her violent outbursts of verbal abuse. I feared these rampages so much that as a very young girl, I made it my mission to simply avoid being heard or seen. Back then, you could get away with that. We lived in a nice middle-class neighborhood and I would run and play with my friends all day until I heard her or dad call me for supper. While at home, I often comforted myself by hiding under a blanket and sucking my thumb. I was able to stay “out of her hair” for much of my early childhood, that way. Before starting public school, she forbid me from sucking my thumb anymore, but I found a substitute. More about that later. Mom was not entirely physically abusive, but she was anything but gentle in her physical handling of my young, little body.

That’s the way it went. Our family dreams were not unlike the typical “American dream” of my parent’s generation. Work hard. Save your money. Move to the country or suburbs and live happily ever after. I got on board with the plan by begging my parent’s for a pony. So when I was eight, my folks built a cute little, yellow, ranch-style home on an acre of ground in the rural suburbs of Erie County. One of the first things my dad did after moving in, was build me and my sister, Suzie a little yellow barn and then he bought us a pony to share. I loved everything about pony ownership, including the heavy-duty chores, but my younger sister did not, so my parents decided to buy her a guitar and give her music lessons, instead. Thankfully, there was a neighbor girl who had a pony too, so me and my best friend had a blast together on many pony adventures over the next two years. Other kids resided near us too and I remember wonderful games of kick-the-can and fort-building and exploring the woods near our homes. It was really the happiest two years of my childhood and I am so grateful for the memories, because it gave me a sense that life could be good and that God really does make our dreams come true. I would need these precious memories later.

The family dream and the family itself came to an abrupt end when my parents announced to me and my three younger sisters that they were divorcing. I was afraid that would happen, but never thought it really would. I thought all the fights between my parents were kind of “normal” to a degree. Mom yelled a lot. That’s who she was. I had really known nothing but very LOUD fighting in the home for all of my ten years up to that point. It was not unusual to lay awake in my bed at night listening to screaming fits and slamming doors between my parents, then falling asleep on my tear-soaked pillow. At the time, I blamed my mom for everything!

Gone went the pony and our other beloved pets. They were my comfort and my responsibility and they went away. Gone went the friendly and fun neighborhood friends. They were my escape and my daily reprieve. They also disappeared. Mom started working and dating and having a life apart from her family. My Dad. Well, Dad went away too. No longer welcome in our home, he showed up in the driveway most weekends and made a point to try to take us to church every Sunday. The family secrets didn’t come out until decades later, but I certainly felt the effects of my Dad’s infidelity to my mom, his alcoholism, drug use and other character flaws. At the time, I thought my Dad “hung the moon.” I remember sitting in the kitchen on Friday or Saturday evening waiting for his call. Sometimes he didn’t call at all. My love for him became desperate and twisted by anxiety, self-doubt and self-loathing. I wondered what was wrong with me that he didn’t want me anymore. I felt so very alone and increasingly abandoned and insecure as time went by. I thought he was the perfect parent and my Mom was the cause of all our issues. Here I was believing more lies.

The screaming between my parents went away too. As a matter of fact, they stopped talking to each other altogether. As the oldest, at age 10, I was assigned the new and different responsibility of coordinating our weekly visitation with Dad. Really, I much preferred mucking my pony’s stall and helping my Daddy put up hay in the little yellow barn, but now it was time to just fall in line and take up my role as family negotiator and arbitrator. The problem was, I never could do it well. I never could get it right.

The next four years or so are kind of a blur. I babysat my little sisters a lot and referree-ed the squabbles and fights that we would get into while mom worked. My mom’s aunt and her young daughter, my moved into this new “city” house with us, until my mom remarried a year or so later. That marriage lasted one year and I remember being kind of disappointed that my new little brother, Jeffrey had to go away now too. I thought it was cool to have a brother, but it didn’t last very long.

Now 12 years old, I simply continued to do what was expected of me. My grades were stellar, because making the grade was the ONLY area of my life that I could control. I studied hard and if I couldn’t understand what was being taught, rather than risk public humiliation by asking the teacher a question, I simply cheated, because I absolutely COULD NOT, WOULD NOT be seen as a failure. Perfection was the goal. Getting good grades became the only thing that made my Mom smile at me. And since Dad was only available on weekends, I knew I needed to at least have a perfect, “straight-A” report card to show him every nine weeks.

At school, I was extremely shy and awkward. I avoided being in the limelight at all costs. I was down to one friend by this time, and I think the only reason she remained my friend is because she felt sorry for me. I felt shame and embarrassment in ALL social settings and to me, school was one big stressful social environment. Middle School was awful for me, because I could not fit in. I developed an attitude of negativity and self-pity. I envied and resented the popular, happy girls. I made fun of kids who I thought were inferior to me. There weren’t many of those, but if they had a funny name or something, and I thought they couldn’t hurt me, I often picked on them. I only liked playing with boys. I found out, however, that if you make fun of boys, they will try to beat you up, but I was a pretty tough girl and could hold my own. They didn’t fight dirty like girls do with the hair pulling and long fingernails.

So it went. I had to be perfect. I had to be in control. I was painfully, excruciatingly lonely. But I prayed every day that my parents would reunite. I had a child-like faith. God in Matthew 18:3 says: “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Throughout my adolescent years, my folks never spoke to one another, but I remembered hearing in Sunday School that God answers prayers and I NEEDED to believe that, so I prayed for my heart’s desire.

Then one Christmas Eve, my parents actually talked on the phone! We called Mom to say good night and Merry Christmas, but she started crying on the phone and upset my little sisters, so Dad got on and started yelling at her. It was my decision that we spend the holiday with our Dad and this was Mom’s first Christmas Eve without us kids. I was devastated that I made another bad decision that destroyed my mother’s day, again - and it was Christmas to boot! Just the beginning of what would become a lifetime of ruined holidays for my Mom. As my mom cried, my Dad’s heart towards her must have melted and they started talking again.

The next thing I knew we were attending their second wedding. It was all so surreal! But it was real and certain confirmation to me that God answers prayer.

I don’t remember ever thanking God for answering my most desperate prayer. I was in such a hurry to be part of a “normal” family with two parents who talked to each other, and to fit in with other kids and have friends again that I forgot that God just gave me a miracle.

My negativity and self pity evolved into more ingratitude, as well as, ever-increasing rebellion, suppressed anger and depression. At age 14, I discovered that alcohol made me feel comfortable in social situations. I could even talk to boys without being embarrassed if I got drunk. The night of my first drunk I found all the answers to all my problems and I remember it like it was yesterday. I finally discovered something that seemed to fill the gaping void in my heart and soothe my weeping wounds. It was all a lie, but lies I was willing to believe, because beer made me feel “comfortable in my own skin” for the first time in my young life. I drank at every opportunity throughout high school. Like everything else, though, I never did do it very well. This part of my life between 14 and 23 was about hating my life in between the weekend parties. I drank only on weekends and managed to graduate high school with honors. My reasoning was that if I could produce the perfect report card, hold a part-time job, participate in extra-curricular activities and keep up appearances, I didn’t have a problem. When I drank, though, I drank for no other reason than to get falling down drunk and to escape the awkwardness, emptiness and loneliness deep in my soul.

I believe the Lord had His angels working overtime with me, because I lived very recklessly during this period. I suffered “black-outs” or “brown-outs” many times while drunk, coming-to in strange places with strange people and not knowing how I got there or driving my car at 55 mph while puking in the passenger seat. ALL my relationships were shallow and filled with feelings of jealousy, envy, mistrust and lying. I lied a lot to stay out of trouble. I lied to get booze. I lied to appear in control. After every binge, I felt incredible remorse, vowing never to do it again. My spiritual life was non-existent and I sometimes threatened suicide. I was often very, very depressed. I knew there was a God, but I figured He was very angry with me and likely I was the only one in the world that He hated. I not only told many lies. I believed many lies.

Then, when I was 20, I met my first husband, Patrick at a party where he was pushing pills to minors. My parents had always warned me about street drugs and I am very grateful for that. Knowing that drugs were bad and being quite enamored with my alcohol anyways, other harder drugs did not interest me. I was not really impressed with Pat’s little pharmacological enterprise, but the man intrigued me. After all, he showed an interest in me! My first thought was, “Oh, he’s not bad looking,” and my very second thought was, “I can change him.”

“Isn’t that the foundation of all marriages: outward appearances and forcing change in the other?” (sarcasm) A few years later I would learn the meaning of co-dependency, but for now I had some chaos to create.

Pat and I were married a couple months after my 21st birthday and two years after that I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl that we named Julia. The first time I laid eyes on her, my heart grew twice its size and I knew true love for the first time in my life. My life would never be the same and I knew it. My life had to change if I was going to be the mother she deserved, so once again, I vowed to quit drinking.

By this time, I was riding high on the co-dependent/alcoholic merry-go-round that was my marriage, doing the same things over and over, expecting different results. Pat drank, did drugs and stayed out all night on a regular basis. He was fairly high-functioning and held down a job, but I sat many weekend nights by the window until he stumbled home. At first, I feared he was never going to come back; that he would abandon me like my dad, but after a while I stopped caring at all. I became bitter and indifferent towards him.

My own drinking bouts were less frequent now that I had a baby to care for, but when I did get the chance, I took it. By now, I hated to love drinking, but that’s where I was. It made me sick and foolish, ashamed and remorseful. I never could recreate the perfect buzz like I found on my very first date with alcohol some 8 years prior, but I had to try until I couldn’t. I wanted to quit for good and I could not do that either. I quit drinking… every other month or so.

When the marriage merry-go-round got boring, I jumped on the emotional roller coaster and rode up and down until I couldn’t see straight. I landed myself in the mental ward shortly after Julia was born. We chalked it up to postpartum depression, although they hadn’t really given me an official medical diagnosis at that time. Pat told me if I ever went crazy again, he would leave me. We habitually verbally abused one another. I stuffed more feelings and continued to deny the pain until I lost my sanity again a couple years later. During this second emotional breakdown, I recovered a repressed memory of sexual molestation from when I was five years old.

I think it was after this second breakdown, I started attending Al-Anon meetings and going to counseling for the childhood trauma. And so my recovery journey began, however it took me about 2 years to really even begin to understand the simplest of spiritual principles. My brains were scrambled, my heart was in pieces and my soul was dark. Eventually, I realized there was help for me to quit drinking in Alcoholics Anonymous , so I kind of tapped my toe on the 12-steps. I figured I could read the " Big Book " of AA and be all better in no time. I would do it without your help, thank you very much!

You know, it takes courage to heal and I had none. I didn’t know enough to trust God for it, but somewhere deep inside I knew He was carrying me.

Still, I wanted to do this all by myself. My way turned out to be the wrong way, but that’s hindsight and I had no foresight at the time, so my new solution to this UN-amusement park of a life included turning it all up-side-down. My now physically abusive husband was no longer necessary, so I dumped him and jumped headlong into a brand new life of my own invention. It was ALL about me, myself and I now! I and my 2-year old daughter were going to conquer the world! I started college, met a new guy, got pregnant, divorced Pat, quit drinking (again) and got married, all in the span of two years, and in that order. Self-will run riot does not begin to describe the depravity of my condition.

Ecclesiastes 2:19-20 says: “and who knows whether he will be wise or a fool? Yet he will be master of all for which I toiled and used my wisdom under the sun. This also is vanity. So I turned about and gave my heart up to despair over all the toil of my labors under the sun.”

Now this time I was in love, for real! My second husband, Blu became my new obsession. I felt like I finally arrived. I drank my last drink when I found out I was pregnant with my son, Garrett who was born in 1988. Blu and I were married when Garrett was six weeks old, only four months after finalization of my divorce from Pat. All I had to do now was hide all my sin and brokenness and live happily ever after. I had a plan for that! We attended church every Sunday, took the kids to Sunday School, bought a big house in the country, and pretended to be the model Christian family. I even bought myself a horse! My dreams were finally coming true, but…

Inside, I was still perpetually angry, hurt, broken and constantly tempted to despair. I struggled with manic episodes that manifested themselves in a week of hyper-happiness and activity, uncontrollable rages and delusions of grandeur, then sliding into bed for the next week, clinically depressed and entertaining suicidal thoughts. Another mental ward visit later and they diagnosed me with BiPolar Disorder. I had given up the 12-step recovery groups in favor of my new husband, so there really was no help for me, except big pharma. Church was simply for appearances, and I didn’t have the faith for a divine healing, YET. However, God was beginning to shine through the cracks of my broken vessel. Jesus was not yet first in my life, but He was starting to get my attention.

My second marriage lasted 9 years. Blu grew tired of my bi-annual mental breakdowns and narcissistic attitudes. I felt like I deserved him leaving me for the other woman, but I fought desperately to keep him to myself by begging, manipulating, criticizing, condemning and lying; whatever deceptive means I could muster up, but none of that worked anymore. I was all the way to the end of myself and the only thing I could see was that empty, broken vessel. THERE Jesus met me. Finally, on my knees in a puddle of my own tears, I cried out to God, “Jesus! Have you ever loved and not been loved in return?” As I heard my own voice ring in my ears, I finally perceived the truth that had been missing all my life. Jesus spoke to my soul and convinced me that He indeed knew the weight of unrequited love. I finally broke.

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

I committed my life, heart and soul to the care of God. (Step 3) That very night, I told the Lord that I didn’t want to do anything my way anymore. I sincerely submitted my will and life over to the care of God. My way bankrupted me. I was most certainly financially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually bankrupt. I could not go any lower and Jesus was right there holding me. He lifted me up and set me back on a path of recovery and proceeded to make me holy. Together, we worked the 12-steps of recovery in AA with a sponsor that He personally chose for me. Even though I had been “dry” for the previous 10 years, my character flaws had gotten the better of me and infected all my relationships. Now, I would focus on my relationship with Jesus. He caused me to fall in love with Him by first loving me. He became my first love and is showing me how to love others on a level I never knew possible.

I was careful to take the suggestions of the people He placed in my life to help me:

No major changes in the first year, including no new relationships or major moves & decisions.
Stick with the winners.
First things first.
One day at a time.
Live and let live.
Let go and let God.

My recovery friends guided me to find a wonderful sponsor; someone who walked the path before me. Because of the truths she discovered on her own road of recovery, she became honest, open and willing to help others, even me. As a matter of fact, I eventually learned that in order to keep it, you have to give it away. But there are TWELVE steps and they must be done in order for them to work. Recovery from all afflictions is possible, but it takes work. There is not an easier, softer way. Jesus is the way and He asks us to submit everything to Him, pick up our cross and follow.

New friends at my recovery meetings accepted me and didn’t seem to care that I cried at almost every meeting for the first year. They, as well as my old and new church friends, wrapped me up in the love of Jesus. I was seeing the church in a whole new way now. I no longer had to pretend to have it all together. The lies that I formerly believed about myself, my family and my God were falling away and I learned to forgive instead of stuff. I learned to laugh with people, instead of at them. Self-loathing melted away. I learned the difference between self-centeredness and self-love. All because Jesus kept pursuing me with a fierce Agape love that knows no limits.

I am married now to a wonderful, sober and godly man. Together, we discovered Celebrate Recover about 8 years ago and the Lord is leading us to new and deeper levels of love and intimacy in the CR ministry. It is not easy, but nothing worth doing is. We keep our eyes on the prize, who is Jesus, and trust Him with everything for He is willing and oh so able!

God provided the tools in the 12 steps and in the fellowship and service with other believers. As I mentioned earlier, I began my recovery journey in the secular groups of Al-Anon and AA. Praise God! Jesus is the most anonymous member of the secular groups. Yes, he is THAT humble. I also believe that our Lord, Jesus is the founding member and the inspiration behind the 12 Steps of Recovery . After all, most would conclude, as I have, that the 12 steps are a simple summary outline of the Gospel of Christ . I experienced for the first time, EVER, true fellowship and the love of Jesus in my recovery community of AA. I am forever grateful for those folks.

Here is how the 12 Steps of Recovery work for me:

The first step says, "We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behavior; that our lives had become unmanageable.” Breaking free of denial meant hearing and accepting the truth about myself, others and God. Some truths are very hard to hear, but Jesus is gentle and humble and merciful. By stepping out of denial, I am discovering that everything that God says is true… “The truth shall set you free.” ( John 8:31-32 ). “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” ( vs. 36 )
Step 2: “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” The first time I heard the second step, I thought, “Well, you might be insane, But I’m not!” Another lie, later dispelled. I finally figured out that my way led to inner confusion and division and chaos in my relationships. Certainly no peace. In step 2, I came. As they say, “ Meeting makers make it! ”
Step 3: “We made a decision to turn our life and our will over to the care of God.” By this time, I arrived all the way to the end of myself, finally able and WILLING to learn from Jesus. I became His disciple. I made a decision to follow Jesus with everything I had.
Steps 4 &5: These steps give my courage.
Steps 6 & 7: These steps taught me humility.
Steps 8 & 9: These steps give me the power to forgive.
Steps 10, 11 & 12: These steps teach me endurance and persistence. There is no “easier, softer way” than the way of Jesus. “Jesus said to him, I am the way, and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me.” ( John 14:6 )

Jesus is faithful to meet us where we are as we seek Him day-by-day. I occasionally slip into my old habits, when a button gets pushed or I neglect caring for myself in some way. My stubborn streak rubs up against my husband, Mike in ways that drive him batty. We have had some fights that had the neighbors concerned, but in the midst of it all, God is working out the kinks and we know that there are others in our midst, walking with us. I have women I can go to in my church and at CR that pray with me and offer accountability and gentle correction, as needed. Sometimes, it just helps to know that I’m not alone in my struggles as I learn to love Jesus and respect people that I don’t always understand. My friends in recovery encourage me and won’t let me quit. I’m done quitting, because love will find a way, if we just let the Way of Love find us.

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Double R Faith

By Debbie Peterson • December 30, 2023

Growth is possible. It becomes probable when it is intentional.

Making the List

By Debbie Peterson • January 19, 2022

Our Gratitude List

Balance

By Debbie Peterson • January 23, 2021

"That's not fair!" Somebody, somewhere is probably crying these words right now. Somewhere in the soul of every man, woman and child is a deep longing for justice, but how do we satisfy our longing for justice in such a broken, often morally deplete world such as this? God is faithful to answer... I am enjoying a time of fasting prayer. The Lord is faithful to increase my awareness of His closeness in this season. In particular, the Lord gave me an important lesson, which came in the form of an image of the "scales of justice." It has to do with balancing truth (or "rightly handling the word of truth" ~ 2 Tim. 2:15 ) and grace ("...it is the gift of God...." ~ Eph. 2:8 ) . We have all likely heard the axiom, "Speak truth in love." After all, people do not care what you know, unless they know you care. The word of God (absolute truth) is a two-edged sword and it can hurt the Body if given without healing and saving grace (unlovingly). I aspire to make it a practice in my personal relationships to refrain from confronting anyone with their sin, unless and until I have gone to the Lord and laid my life down once again, repenting of my own sin, surrendering all malice, forgiving the other and humbly asking my Lord's permission and power to speak truth in love. Conversely, I would also be remiss to not do the same prior to offering someone charity and kindness , lest my impure motives spoil what could otherwise be a bountiful harvest. (See Hebrews 10:8-10 .) Imagine, if you will that Jesus sits at the fulcrum of the scales. He is solid, stable, immoveable, strong and secure in that place. The world is represented by the horizontal arms (lever) of the scales. We, as believers in the world, are free to move to, from and across the arms at will. Let's say, for the sake of this illustration that TRUTH resides in the pan suspended from the left arm of the scale and GRACE resides in the right-hand pan. As we move across in the world, seeking to share the truth and grace of God, some are inclined to walk out onto the arm of truth while others are more inclined to walk out onto the arm of grace. Truth-walkers value knowledge most, and grace-walkers value forgiveness more. I submit to you that the safest AND most effective place to "call home" is in the center with Jesus. Only He can keep the scales balanced. As He sends the grace-walker out, He will send a truth-walker out also, keeping the scales of the Kingdom perfectly balanced. In some instances, the grace-walker and truth-walker are one in the same person. Our Lord keeps the Church centered on Him and in balance for the most beneficial, effective and fruitful work of His ministry. He does this in the eternal, meaning He is not bound by time and space. The danger for individuals comes when one does not find center and rest in Him: learn His ways, move in His strength and wait for His timing. You see, I believe our relationship with God is moment-by-moment. Let us not get so caught up in our own interpretation of the vision that He has placed on our hearts and minds, so as to lose balance and fall right off, rendering ourselves ineffective for the sake of the Kingdom... ...But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls. ~ Hebrews 10:39 Jesus, a pure and innocent man sent by His Heavenly Father, Creator of the universe, willingly took on our sins, suffered, died and was buried, receiving the punishment that we deserved, but could not bear. Three days later, He rose from the dead, overcoming sin and death for our sakes. That's grace! But He did not stop there. When Jesus left Earth to sit at the right hand of the Father, the Holy Spirit was sent to be our comfort and our counselor, guiding us into all truth and empowering us to love God with all our hearts, minds and souls and heal a lost and broken world. That's love!

2020 Hindsight

By Debbie Peterson • January 1, 2021

Happy New Year to all the TFO Farm Journal Readers! For our new year post, I thought I'd do a year in review of 2020. It is a brief glimpse into our personal family life here on the farm. One of the big take-aways that I have experienced as I recalled the events & activities of 2020 is how many new family members (4-legged & two) The Lord has added to our "adoptive" family over the years and how active all these ones are in the ebb-n-flow of our daily lives here on the farm. What amazing blessings all these "Kingdom family members" are to us! (Rather than filling up this journal entry with tons of images and making you sift through all our personal family photos, I decided to just link the photos, so if a particular caption intrigues you, you can just click on the links to view the accompanying pictures.) Enjoy! JANUARY 2020 A new year to remember: 2020. https://photos.app.goo.gl/FgrASXoAJgDJe9uT9 A good one to memorize: https://photos.app.goo.gl/89E4iVAQqM94ipdt5 Thomas and the Birds! "Ack! He got it!!!" https://photos.app.goo.gl/ebzkHGpUpBsMJDWS7 Ahhhh, such great memories of Rosco! He was always up for some lovin' from Mike... https://photos.app.goo.gl/TpmPKo4QYvK8LFgYA The traditional “last day” for Christmas celebrations at TFO is January 7th (Russian Christmas). https://photos.app.goo.gl/4qpHy9CeXgAP7Cwd6 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/Va3ZWQiyJqo4PoiE6 Always a good one to remember, especially when you feel like quitting. We have learned that quitting is not an option and Our Father makes sure we do not have to: https://photos.app.goo.gl/NQnGETmwzWPERQ2TA No matter what is going on in the world, we ALWAYS get to eat. Our Heavenly Father makes sure of it! This was one of our weekly Celebrate Recovery home-cooked meals “under construction” at TFO Farm. https://photos.app.goo.gl/kYRsNj1GxMcWWrp17 FEBRUARY 2020 Horse kisses make it all worthwhile. https://photos.app.goo.gl/H2UCXqz43PgTX64W8 Happy, curious sheep. https://photos.app.goo.gl/k76cFouowJFxM3aEA February 2020 was a cold one! https://photos.app.goo.gl/QQ8RURQcstoXoZgr8 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/EFkfEcjN1ygoAxTu7 Bathroom demolition taking too long! https://photos.app.goo.gl/U5ArHwRNCmVFzeQz5 Encouragement for overcoming the “dead-of-winter” February blues... https://photos.app.goo.gl/feLFceKhiXQswUHe8 Bathroom demolition almost complete. https://photos.app.goo.gl/MUTUXjMwUVq1NDbJ9 Continuing my education with Greg Kersten of The OK Corral where I received a certification in EAL/EAP at Crossroads Corral in Sanford, Florida. https://photos.app.goo.gl/dfRmNjkMhXvWv6Rv9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/xj4fNc2FnoU22cUPA Instructor, Greg Kersten. https://photos.app.goo.gl/HQ1DwMR6wir3qXB37 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/ryG9ZSH981xt1xxJ6 Yep, there was A LOT of this in 2020: https://photos.app.goo.gl/54ApjnWm4xP36CZx7 Winter is a great time to invest in yourself! Always continuing education: https://photos.app.goo.gl/R1 qCKphXETE77g3r5 MARCH Receiving some love via USPS from the Seattle granddaughter, Addison! https://photos.app.goo.gl/ny3B8A2tu6VKkv7M9 Bandi found her forever home at TFO Farm. https://photos.app.goo.gl/MXG5oGNcCWKUhhMw8 The St. Louis grands arrive for their spring visit! https://photos.app.goo.gl/quUEbfQWeUXiApnJ8 Deb visits St. Louis! https://photos.app.goo.gl/bdUV551vW3xF6TwQA TFO bathroom renovation gets underway. https://photos.app.goo.gl/UZrnNPt93TLYhRYk8 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/FFLZ3xVckN7PXBTp7 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/JidGEmv1igXdupcS9 CAUTION: Construction zone. https://photos.app.goo.gl/ppmQENrTzAC9e6k86 Keeping recovery and soul health on the top of our priority list... https://photos.app.goo.gl/vJi11dNqnVxpZfo88 APRIL 2020 This verse spoke to us in April! https://photos.app.goo.gl/K8vvMSF4rXL1atgZ8 God provided some much-needed beds, just in the nick of time! https://photos.app.goo.gl/1vtAWquoJwxd2Ngx8 New grands! Wow! A dream come true, but BETTER! https://photos.app.goo.gl/xoewzDyHWw2aw1o69 They lived with us for the entire month of April! https://photos.app.goo.gl/SGFpN7i433tdfvLi6 Getting our alone time and rest at Chapman Dam. https://photos.app.goo.gl/kTvj3o68gSpZxis68 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/eJzxtfwLY7it4Wnc6 , Mike can be so romantic! https://photos.app.goo.gl/9PFaYCgLfLh957uW6 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/HqAm5MAtyMAaq6Dj , https://photos.app.goo.gl/oje5P8yMCY6x4roP8 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/Be9qnMFMfK54CL2h6 Horsing Around. https://photos.app.goo.gl/YZs77VGtsknxWoyu5 It wasn't all fun & games; sometimes we hurt each other. God is faithful to remind us to be humble and LOVE ALWAYS WINS when we forgive! https://photos.app.goo.gl/dVxiR1knBCAomnAU6 (Puppy is not ours, but we continue to pray for one just like her to find her forever home with us at TFO Farm!) Easter at TFO Farm. https://photos.app.goo.gl/sqZKWpHo1vbekbgv9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/f3jsgk7kZxnAEQcr7 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/xKPiJ7P2pf65u8kL7 We became foster parents and adopted some more grandchildren! https://photos.app.goo.gl/Eet3XnQ2CFW4FA426 Junior is still my bestie beastie. https://photos.app.goo.gl/QPxBRmTgMWwByVXD9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/BWyaUU8P7doEnL7w5 MAY 2020 Our St. Louis family. https://photos.app.goo.gl/67UvxLNUc66tL7UB7 Our St. Louis girls. https://photos.app.goo.gl/Kzz9WErdZo4ugPvLA Our Seattle Chef Addision. https://photos.app.goo.gl/3tuMYFf59SCgJQFJ9 Open PA Rally in Meadville. https://photos.app.goo.gl/Xy4R53sK8mLckD437 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/tPLq7FaC54hV55ou6 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/neibWkSWhNxTTsJv6 Just weird, but ok! (I think..?) https://photos.app.goo.gl/2TpUtDmGtvzSTxqN6 A sobering reminder... https://photos.app.goo.gl/at1KV4nZQcatd1xC8 Always, we prosper by inviting Him in... https://photos.app.goo.gl/eTdHNRvXYh9n2aF6A Our niece, Lucia graduated from Fairview High School in 2020! https://photos.app.goo.gl/Exfkb1jgJ4bx3mnCA Junior! https://photos.app.goo.gl/c1pJ72gJAoXEmrTZ8 Meet Bandit's Moonlight... https://photos.app.goo.gl/yNxsfYmpeV9qUpkL9 Bandi after 6 weeks at TFO Farm: https://photos.app.goo.gl/v4pbDbm4iC8T6XBK9 ALWAYS! https://photos.app.goo.gl/pZwhB34ApZ8BtZTV6 Open PA Rally in Harrisburg. https://photos.app.goo.gl/dam2AEYYYLY6zqHi6 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/VVvxfQKpoBBC2yTA6 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/d3b3c8gv2ePKSrMk8 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/3Cvz6H9GcZgGwn2GA , https://photos.app.goo.gl/DNguyXgTajL5S5UP8 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/w8c4A8rgUZpCnyxr6 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/Dwd1BmchofB1JRSe9 God says... https://photos.app.goo.gl/rhvozHM2HhMjLriNA My daughter, Julia is severely tested in 2019-20 and love wins her battles for her. https://photos.app.goo.gl/DfYi78vcSgz8UaZR8 Deb's birthday gift from St. Louis fam! Wow!!! https://photos.app.goo.gl/ivn3XBjBwHWJDVgx5 Leek & fiddle-head hunting in May. https://photos.app.goo.gl/UXan7XuymW7Cust5A , https://photos.app.goo.gl/UVXaHEVNfmDbHktK9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/gQgdnJNsTsy3UGcu7 Covid-19 slaps us in the face. https://photos.app.goo.gl/9gcwiHovfVtemLh56 In 2020, we often struggled to even know the truth, BUT for the grace of God, His word never fails... https://photos.app.goo.gl/1VLVatdJfZwLPfzQ8 JUNE Clyde at work doing what he does with the kids. https://photos.app.goo.gl/Jt2NtZPZLG4YLssz9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/Ye7WcJ8h7qVhybq96 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/yPuQZR8FeEpnGbCw9 This pretty much sums up 2020, so far, for us! https://photos.app.goo.gl/Jgcv3mxUWRfPMyfi8 Mike survived a heart attack! Praise God!!! https://photos.app.goo.gl/EvC9QqJ6rum3HYDQ9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/cxXk6xMBWjxjHe6j7 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/yYGwvjzvH8yNsbex6 Finally, we can paint! https://photos.app.goo.gl/1Dy2SCDTD3Ap5ZNu7 With the purchase of our 2002 Tacoma, we can now take the canoe out. https://photos.app.goo.gl/4M9DNse81SVffc2ZA , On the Shenango River with friends, Ben/Lynn Z., Silvio M., Paul K., Brandi B. & others. Deb played a lot of early morning tic-tac-toe with her Chinese ESL students. https://photos.app.goo.gl/Cb4mYzrBzQtmhddR7 , I followed lesson plans too. https://photos.app.goo.gl/9xGoK6eWJpCCM39D6 JULY The SECOND baby Robin of the season that fell out of the nest right into Katelyn's hand! https://photos.app.goo.gl/Zeu3bDa3ZoXkFJnj7 , Meadville Area Rec. Center fun... https://photos.app.goo.gl/qNS8UFkbzBX5BJz27 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/RaNVVgJ7pqSGokei6 ...with the Cornell's! https://photos.app.goo.gl/Ud3XPZK9Kxo2Bzyw8 Rosco! We miss you! https://photos.app.goo.gl/nDD7uHKypYeRnUYM7 Barn cats, Merle & Festus. https://photos.app.goo.gl/cJrErcF4oM6hSkbs5 Clyde took one on the cheek from the big horses. Poor Clyde! The vet was called and 6 weeks later, he was good as new. https://photos.app.goo.gl/wqgavBGUCAQNZNZH6 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/uKWjZiJFPdNBWzsr9 Visiting Edinboro Lake with the Missouri kinfolk. https://photos.app.goo.gl/NXAxA6XAERSe4D1v8 Remembering our Washington kinfolk visit from last summer (2019). https://photos.app.goo.gl/1Kt2fgXTRYYxTfJA8 Lucy's grad party. https://photos.app.goo.gl/ctVbij5UjNL1z7vTA Got 'im! These guys are hard to catch on camera. https://photos.app.goo.gl/3TSy9bRi69upSdX58 Visiting Gail & Leslie at Bear Creek, Ridgeway, PA. https://photos.app.goo.gl/pxieCrjkyqLziSbBA , https://photos.app.goo.gl/u614mFtsyFSQy4886 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/EpaBU99eZk9s9x788 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/gJBQ3ct1kewfoY4y8 Thomas. https://photos.app.goo.gl/NC1airunGLoASkyu5 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/iBu1ovsC4u5U3nCC9 Ah, summer at TFO Farm. https://photos.app.goo.gl/cYiQb4Yp9tmyQdt89 Celebrating our independence with fireflies, fireworks & funny sunglasses at New Beginnings Church, Mdvl. https://photos.app.goo.gl/36qvDbr8QUJ7vea67 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/Tm57CMmGeEWDrBcKA , https://photos.app.goo.gl/Pig7uyD6VSh4SrHX9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/d9TAAN93SqkaVyn68 Who turned 63 in 2020? https://photos.app.goo.gl/v6M5xHGU1QboWsaX7 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/eB6zr5KJ7Ds8wKwt5 AUGUST Another Recovery Connection event. https://photos.app.goo.gl/QiqaBPcUeyFY7LsP9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/qzwWMTKQUcM29XKH9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/Af1bQ145gcuPqmV1A Tried to launch the Foundations of Recovery. TWICE. (CCP effectively delayed our launch 2020, but we got a lot of work done and relationships built. WE WILL TRY AGAIN IN 2021.) https://photos.app.goo.gl/n6TSBD3UEMxZ1rsv7 Trying to eat healthier in 2020. Please pray for me! https://photos.app.goo.gl/JEkxNCYaLTyjBoqm9 The TFO herd, Clyde, Junior and Bandi. https://photos.app.goo.gl/EfuG1HLbvxyiUjx36 Foundation for Recovery at TFO Farm Volunteer Roundup. https://photos.app.goo.gl/HutR7pjPi9bh2w9w6 , The gang's all here... https://photos.app.goo.gl/mBuYi7bB7wgCHhuJ8 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/hCcwMmtcQZd51moN9 Lynnie! https://photos.app.goo.gl/qpwuxPJR4jQBGvDV9 Canoeing the Shenango again at a Recovery Connection event... https://photos.app.goo.gl/Vdwc5fs5GKmwJcJF8 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/LEjYJWteK67LRmZL8 ...with friends. https://photos.app.goo.gl/LUvDkHznXBEr9neZA , https://photos.app.goo.gl/7wU4mb1j2G6NYr4K6 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/J1NhioppLnbiE1hF6 More S.U.D. Training. https://photos.app.goo.gl/ejYdrkixhLGDzoYW7 Canoeing on Sugar Lake with Rosco. https://photos.app.goo.gl/y2PSgWhVMTMQCrQP9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/cDLLBeHLwGRMUQJk9 Canoeing at Pymatuning Lake with my sister, Yvonne. https://photos.app.goo.gl/KCxo9XcvdWMqrAsc9 Dog days of summer on the TFO Farm deck. https://photos.app.goo.gl/SF6jvpoSH2wJ9aESA God always works it out for us – even when we doubt... https://photos.app.goo.gl/KJ3k9xGfqkWcXWUW6 Meeting up with daughter, Julia at the hotel for the grandkids' return trip home to Bridgeton, MO. https://photos.app.goo.gl/4oqp4L1BmyMxar5E8 Bison Park with the grands, Katelyn & Thomas. https://photos.app.goo.gl/jKz9A3HrXKhmkP7KA, https://photos.app.goo.gl/JjJxTqsSAvWY1gpo6 Creation Museum trip! https://photos.app.goo.gl/AZoixinBGnkCRyS88, https://photos.app.goo.gl/fKwL5361G24S9ddMA, https://photos.app.goo.gl/5Jqm17W4Qp5K4CCD7, https://photos.app.goo.gl/PJNQQc2ehXRnCZ9d8, https://photos.app.goo.gl/myb9V9r2U4LSqW7b6, https://photos.app.goo.gl/8XyMvREYvkL3pt689 SEPTEMBER Tragically, Rosco broke his jaw, probably chasing cars. He could not be saved. Here we are in the car on the way to the doggie ER. https://photos.app.goo.gl/xqqcca5v4epM4rwg8 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/NnZHFfhERydfEkgLA God son, Toby turned two at TFO Farm. https://photos.app.goo.gl/KpaiZDsz97datswL7 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/eQDAcS9mg8iUcJP67 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/rcH9bwuGWdnHChSX7 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/zotYNuVhLXnSN4HLA , https://photos.app.goo.gl/n3t1NUHLQndssa9p8 Clyde... again. https://photos.app.goo.gl/pJ3BPokESKC4yYtK7 TFO Farm gets some press. https://photos.app.goo.gl/WA4mbZ2PHK6214mdA (This therapeutic horsemanship program did not happen in 2020 as planned due to Deb contracting Corona Virus Pneumonia the week prior to the proposed Foundations of Recovery Program launch.) Ashes to Beauty Conference in Lebonon, MO. https://photos.app.goo.gl/HHMwj6F9e2jiWaGo9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/KPfA249VX8XAAgog9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/8fG35WvJmf6RahY68 Canoeing French Creek. https://photos.app.goo.gl/fmbfbX7smdShR7DC9 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/bN3HTmkmhLruD8bF8 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/D5Cf639u3G2pgZuY7 Recovery Connection. https://photos.app.goo.gl/y1adj4JvU9jR6g6p7 TFO Farm Campfire with friends. https://photos.app.goo.gl/pywqPbE8CEiLpo6C8 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/c9EiAg8Puhe33GyS9 https://photos.app.goo.gl/K2fuWDBTmnAkVgVz6 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/kDCfyZT1pHa4GxhX7 Our “hipcamper” guests got engaged in our canoe on Sugar Lake! https://photos.app.goo.gl/f2MAyg3tavyAnTSA6 , https://www.hipcamp.com/pennsylvania/too-far-out-farm/too-far-out-farm We waded through a lot of fake news this year! https://photos.app.goo.gl/1DM6EjcM3H3FT6KM8 We celebrated recovery as a community online in 2020. https://photos.app.goo.gl/bhzY54pWjk5ZjZzn6 I participated from my pasture and was honored to be asked to open the celebration with prayer. https://photos.app.goo.gl/7GFH4UcqKDaVP7cA8 OCTOBER Dog sitting (Phoebe) for friends and babysitting our God son, Toby. https://photos.app.goo.gl/cVSBphj6nziu6zoT7 Me and my Missie doing what me and my Missie do when it is 60+ degrees in October! https://photos.app.goo.gl/Sg8S5Xy484haojb6A Another Recovery Connection event. Such fun folks! https://photos.app.goo.gl/NwtTThTJa5tW2FHR6 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/fuuH7b6tHCu7Qbmi6 Words to live by if you want a truly ABUNDANT LIFE. https://photos.app.goo.gl/RaPhVGU2vfNpby1y6 Merle the cat. https://photos.app.goo.gl/HgtY7JRcNLhNdGEu8 More birthdays in our forever family. Lily turned 9! https://photos.app.goo.gl/BxNaCFPZjYs8UChm8 , Sophie turned 13! https://photos.app.goo.gl/XdnZMdinXzFkG9hF8 Clyde again. https://photos.app.goo.gl/DeZDa4QzfiaLnT1i7 This..! https://photos.app.goo.gl/Jh6oGRzNCeY1AjPa9 Deb's sister, Sherry married the love of her life, Dan! https://photos.app.goo.gl/heyrZZ4GkACznLk87 Unfortunately, we could not attend in person, because we were quarantining. https://photos.app.goo.gl/aVxtUM3ECVHsTj7s8 Getting hospitalized for Corona Virus Pneumonia... https://photos.app.goo.gl/7mywt2XaAyhW5qAj9 ...gave Deb plenty of time to re-read a favorite book. https://photos.app.goo.gl/sN3fVSDKvEFEpQCZ7 Mike lived in the driveway while we isolated from one another during my recovery from the virus. https://photos.app.goo.gl/ycjULrd4H879Dcyz7 Here is a link to the book that I like so much, in case you want to buy it from our Affiliate PRODUCTS page: https://www.toofaroutfarm.org/products#RecommendedBooks02 NOVEMBER Nephew Zachary turned 30 on Thanksgiving Day. We wished him well from a distance, as he is one of the more vulnerable ones. https://photos.app.goo.gl/suioM4jHX5hJc9m77 Our Seattle granddaughter, Addison and granddog, Tillie. https://photos.app.goo.gl/YyZP7ryGo7RtsYoG9 ... and my son, Garrett, with his wife, Roxanne (and Addie & Tillie, of course). https://photos.app.goo.gl/cBj7YdQA7jzKqPo69 Our St. Louis family, Jim, Julia, Thomas & Katelyn. https://photos.app.goo.gl/mfdJRDKKWfa9wy9W8 The Christmas Cactus always signals the start of the holiday season. https://photos.app.goo.gl/TTsvDLqRm3hRatbJ7 DECEMBER 2020 A snowy December. https://photos.app.goo.gl/WPcj5SHsakqqc3UV7 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/oNy5FB6WwpmXhAk57 , https://photos.app.goo.gl/EPJ8tptowJgSas3b6 Mike gave me a lovely Christmas gift. https://photos.app.goo.gl/6fKrNxUQShFLAoZ16

The Random Tandem Thoughts of God

By Debbie Peterson • November 20, 2020

Did you ever meet someone who reviles someone else so much that they will not even listen to a word that person says, much less give them thoughtful consideration? Or if the disdain is especially intense, the "reviler" only listens to soundbites or third-party snip-its of the other's words and draws conclusions filtered through their own ignorance of that person's "why" or "how" and becomes indifferent to their opponent and reacts to them with spiteful judgement and without regard for the other's perspective. That person has not love; only indifference. There are some who hold God in this regard. Gone unchecked, prejudice and bigotry begin with misunderstanding, regress to indifference and in some cases explode into violence. Nothing changes if nothing changes until one willing mind opens the way for truth and grace to flow. (See Romans 12:2) That kind of mind renewal requires a conscious decision to think differently. In every interaction we choose either love or indifference. And in the case of a toxic pattern developing in a relationship, we may need to choose self-love for the greater good of the relationship and to bring about much-needed change. That is what God does here: Then they will call upon me, but I will not answer; they will seek me diligently but will not find me. ~Proverbs 1:28 Read that verse in context. Who are "they" and why won't God answer them? Seek to understand why God, who promises to never forsake you*, would say that ? Is God being ambivalent and random in His word? Read the entire first chapter of Proverbs and find out what in the world would cause a good God to essentially ignore ones who diligently seek Him. Go ahead. Read it. I'll wait... What did you learn? Put it in the comments. *Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” ~Hebrews 13:5

Effective Prayer

By Debbie Peterson • August 13, 2020

Am I righteous enough for God to answer my prayers? Yes... and no. Apart from Christ, no, but in Christ, YES! Let's assume ALL Christians talk to God. After all, it is one of the perks of being part of the family. Our Dad has an open-door policy and welcomes our daily communion and constant communication with Him. (See Luke 18:1 ) Even some non-Christians seek a divine, all-knowing power to whom they can make their requests known (See Isa. 45:20 ). It is all about the relationship, really! Talking to God is like talking to your spouse or child or parent or sister or friend. It is one of the things that make a relationship, a relationship. What would our relationships feel like if we never talked to one another? Pretty empty, lonely, even non-existent, right? So, we talk to God. We call that prayer. ...and God answers. The Bible says so, right? Well sort of. There is a qualifier - a condition. You will find it here: Ps. 4:3 , and here: James 5:16 , and here: Pro. 28:9 , Isa. 1:15-16 , Mt. 6:5 , and here too: Mark 11:24 . Did you catch that? What is the qualifier God sets for answering our prayers? We must be "godly" and "righteous." I think Matthew gives the best clue about effective praying in the 21st chapter and 22nd verse. Look it up and note what it says, "...if you have faith." The godly and righteous believe. Can we conclude that righteousness, obedience and faith are somehow linked and effectually synonymous or in the very least mutually dependent upon one another? It seems so. According to the writer of Hebrews 11:1, "faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." What are those things not seen? In most cases, the "things not seen" are the very things we are praying for, right? We seek God for answers. We seek His voice, His input, His action. This morning I heard something interesting: "If you desire to hear the audible voice of God in your difficult situation (or anytime), try reading the Bible OUT LOUD." "Whoever is of God hears the words of God. The reason why you do not hear them is that you are not of God.” (John 8:47) The problem is not that God doesn't speak or guide or light our way. The problem is that we do not often WANT to hear and obey certain things... things like ALL TEN of the commandments. Sure 5 through 9 may seem doable (sometimes, maybe...?), but what about 10 or 1? How about when God tells us that fornication and adultery (sex outside of marriage) are dishonoring to Him? ( 1 Cor. 7:2 ) or telling that white lie? ( 2 Peter 2:1 ) Is one sin any less heartbreaking to God than another? Do we even think about God's heart breaking as we act on some sort of deceit, laziness, lustful desire or greed? We say, "but I am just human." Then we further justify ourselves by saying, "I must protect my pride, satisfy my flesh or fatten my pocketbook dishonestly," BUT... Jesus raises the bar even higher. He says things like what He said in Mt. 5:28 . Go ahead and look it up. [or just click here.] I'll wait. Remember, praying is the divine interaction between man and God. What we often forget is that God gets to be God - ALWAYS. Our conversations with Him go two ways and yet, He is still God. He has our answer, whether we want to listen and take His advice (obey) or not. Did that pinch...? Just a little? Or a lot? There is good news! Jesus lived a perfect life in a human body. He is the only purely holy and wholly pure man to ever walk the earth. His assignment? Jesus, the totally innocent Son of God, WILLINGLY died a criminal's death. Yes, He was willing and He knew that THIS was His purpose on earth. His excruciating and sacrificial act removed from us the weight of sin, then as only God could do, He rose in power from the grave in three days and overcame the penalty for our sin, which is death. ( Romans 6 is a great read!) The good news doesn't end there. Jesus is still praying for those who draw near to God! See John 17:9 and Hebrews 7:25 . He still prays for you and me. He has His Father's ear. After all, He is seated at the right hand of the father in Heaven. Here is what Jesus has told His Dad about us: "The glory which you have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one. I in them and you in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that you sent Me, and loved them, even as you have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which you have given Me, for you loved Me before the foundation of the world” ( John 17:22-24 ). That's right. We are covered. By the Blood of the Lamb. By grace. By God. Simply BELIEVE. Tell me how your prayers have been answered in the comments below. The world needs to know the word of your testimony! "And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death." ~ Rev. 12:11 ESV